Dear precious sons,
Life moves so swiftly and I can hardly grasp that some of you are nearing the age where you will consider what you want in a wife. I’m terrible at letting go but I know, Lord willing, the day will come when I have to share you with another girl (besides your sisters!) and I have been praying for the young lady He is preparing for each of you. And I want to offer a few words of advice.
- The Lord gave you eyes on your head but the devil has conspired to make them dreadfully deceitful. Look at a girl with the eyes of your heart instead. You will much more easily discern when a pretty face covers an ugly soul. Likewise, you’ll catch a glimpse of the breathtaking beauty so often concealed beneath a plain appearance. Physical attraction is the overflow of a growing love. Anything else is counterfeit and should be treated as the plague.
- Do not think you can change a girl to suit your purposes. Share Christ everywhere and you’ll find that some will respond to His call. But don’t proceed in a relationship where that response hasn’t been made. You need to be sure she is choosing Christ and not just you.
- Women are bombarded with societal standards of how they should look and what they should be. It has chipped away at the core of what makes a woman uniquely feminine. Guard your eyes and mind so carefully, not only for your sake but for hers. Nothing spurs the erosion process of a once-strong relationship quite like a wandering eye and an unfaithful mind.
- The world would have you believe marriage is about what you can get from it. More lies. It is about two people choosing each other. Repeatedly. It’s about journeying toward the Light, hand in hand. Let nothing and nobody loosen that grasp. Fix your eyes on the straight path and walk with singleness of purpose. The trip is so much sweeter when you don’t allow the bitterness of unattainable expectations to tag along.
- The Lord designed man in His own image. What a glorious creature you are! But society has done a number not only on women, but on the men those women are now competing with. Don’t lose sight of the strength and fortitude He equipped you with at creation. That vision will enable you to lead with authority and compassion. And it will keep you strong enough to put yourself aside and minister to your family.
- But do not be misled! A man of such integrity is not required to become a spineless doormat. Any woman who attempts to “conquer” you is not after your heart; she seeks her own. Such a woman, no matter how beautiful, will bring you only strife and misery.
- Marriage is an amazing gift with eternal possibilities. It is full of hard choices and peppered with opportunities to grow in the most uncomfortable ways. It’s a slow death to self and the rebirthing of a purified heart. No other relationship can match it physically, emotionally or spiritually. It’s a powerful tool for good that, if entrusted in the wrong hands, can wield unfathomable works of evil.
Choose wisely, my sons. Better yet, let Him do the choosing!
I love you more than you will ever know and will be praying for you now and always.
From a mother’s heart,
Note: This letter was revised slightly and republished.