Nothing like flying blind, you know? Bumping along the road toward marital bliss seems so, well, blissful. Until it isn’t because it won’t be.
Marriage is hard sometimes, plain and simple.
And therein lies the problem. Or at the very least, part of the problem. We expect what isn’t and what is totally isn’t what we were expecting. Confused? If not, then you’re probably already married.
There are things I wish I knew about men, husbands, before I ever uttered that little word yes. I still would have said it, mind you, but I would have known better just exactly what I was saying. Because I would have been saying a whole lot of things I never saw coming. Like, perhaps…
- Yes, I will marry your need to internalize. And I will respect that you think best when you’re left to think until you’ve thought it all through. I won’t barge in and demand answers you’re not ready to give.
- Yes, I will marry your desire to be close. And I’ll cherish the fact that you chose me to be close to. It doesn’t mean I’ll never have moments where I just want to scream “hands off” to all the grasping hands that chase me through my busy days, but it does mean I’ll think before I scream. Because if I do that, I’ll never scream at all since I’ll realize how blessed I am to have little hands to need me and your big ones to pursue me.
- Yes, I will marry your concern over finances. And I’ll walk beside you as we learn to make them stretch. I’ll use your hard-earned money with care and caution and will control needless spending that results in extra hours at work. I will not buy stress and then attempt to make you think it was a good purchase. I will seek to honor your desire to provide well for our family and not make it harder for you to accomplish than this fast-paced world has already made it.
- Yes, I will marry your preference to see your clothing hung according to style. Never mind that my side of the closet will likely always be an explosion of disorganized pieces. I can and will sacrifice those few extra seconds so that when you walk to the closet and look for something to wear, your mind isn’t assaulted by what you find.
- Yes, I will marry your inability to multi-task as a mother must. You are not a mother. I will be grateful for every free-will offering you drop into the treasury of our marriage as you seek to lighten my load in the best way you know how. Sometimes I might laugh a little because you are just so cute trying to fill my role. But always that laughter will be shared and not slung.
- Yes, I will marry your need to talk about work. It’s a part of who you are. It’s the space in your life you rent out in order to meet our needs. And it matters. I care even when I don’t understand entirely.
- Yes, I will marry your love of trucks. I may never, ever grasp what you see in them. I might not get how you can point them out time and again and still be thrilled by what you see. Nope, I probably never will but I can certainly allow you your frivolous passions.
- Yes, I will marry your flaws. All of them. I won’t promise to love them but I will promise to love you. I’ll take a step back when they threaten to overwhelm me and I’ll attempt to see you as He does. ..A man with faults but also with a thirst for that which is right. I won’t try to fix you but I will leave room for Him to work when He decides the time is right. And I’ll also leave room for Him to fix me since I know all too well how very broken I am.
Because marriage is more than flowery words and warm, fuzzy feelings. Marriage is choosing to love right through the hard stuff. It’s making allowance for late bills and unexpected expenses. For doctor’s visits with a sick child and rocking all night while they burn with fever. For making mistakes and saying the wrong things and forgiving when you have every reason not to. For spaghetti splatters and to-do lists that never get done. For loving with a smile or a hug when there’s no energy for words.
And for saying yes when saying no would be easier.